The eCrozier

Jarrid Wilson, pastor, author, and mental health advocate, took his own life earlier this month. He was 30 years old and, together with others, began Anthem of Hope, a mental health ministry. He was quite public about his own struggles with clinical depression. He wrote he had “severe depression throughout most of my life and contemplated suicide on multiple occasions.” He even wrote a book about it (Love Is Oxygen: How God Can Give You Life and Change Your World). The news of his death came on, of all days, Suicide Awareness Day, September 10.

Five years ago when the actor Robin Williams died by suicide, I shared in an eCrozier about my own pain and frustration in losing a dear friend a few years before to a similar fate. I’m afraid in my writing then I allowed my own grief and anger at my friend’s death to cloud what I wrote and some people misunderstood the point I was trying to make. In other words, I wasn’t very articulate. I hope to not make that same mistake again.

In 2014, I wrote: A lot’s been written already about Robin Williams’ suicide. Here, I’m less concerned with a hagiography of Mr. Williams or any analysis of the all too real problem of clinical depression in our society. Of the former, let me just say he was a brilliant performer who brought much joy to millions of people, including me. Of the latter, all I can say is that far too many people suffer alone with such soul-deep depression and the disease’s very nature often dissuades people from seeking the help they desperately need.

I’m more concerned here with the reactions I read from people after Mr. Williams’ suicide. My hunch is most people’s reactions were an effort to be kind or maybe even helpful. They probably masked their own unease with death, particularly, with suicide. Many of the comments made were at best not helpful, or at worst, theologically problematic. Let me explain. I heard many comments that basically said something like: “Well, now the pain he endured for so long is lifted and he’s at peace.” I know such statements were efforts by some people to make suicide theologically intelligible, but to a person presently suffering soul-deep depression and hearing such statements, it’s actually an invitation to imitate Mr. Williams’ act. Their thinking could well go: “If so many people think that’s the way he found peace, then maybe that’s the way I can find peace, too?” Like I said, it’s theologically problematic, for suicide doesn’t bring peace to the living.

And that’s why Pastor Wilson’s, Robin Williams’, and every other suicide that occurs is bigger than just the person in question. Each death leaves behind loved ones who must try to make sense of what happened, often blaming themselves for a failure to intervene effectively or sooner. So, yes, blaming the person who commits suicide is always unhelpful and simply wrong. Most have suffered crushing emotional pain for years. But let’s not be under an illusion that any kind of peace has been found for those who must pick up the pieces after a loved one’s suicide. Such deaths create collateral damage. That’s why we all must work to prevent these tragedies from ever occurring.

+Scott